Tuesday, December 16, 2008


I had this big rant on why things happen, but my own issues with God and religion would color anything I had to say. I would not want to lose any of my wonderful friends.
So I will keep the rant to myself.
I no longer have any answer to give him when he asks why is this happening to him. I don't know is just not good enough anymore (never really was) , it offers no help or comfort.
I am back to feeling very helpless in all of this. I am supposed to care for them, keep them safe and warm, ease their fears and help them learn how to survive in this big harsh world. I can't even help him survive elementary school.
Things have take several steps back, back to where he is begging not to be taken to school, holding on to walls, door knobs and car handles. Mondays are hard, always have been.
It is just too much to go back after being home for two days.
The school nurse is a real bitch. She should have retired a long time ago. Most kids do not notice sarcasm or recognize snide comments, but mine does. I have talked to her and the principle about being kind and understanding. The need to not make things worse. I know this is a very frustrating situation for all involved and can be disruptive to the routine in the office, but come on. Have some compassion, they are not adults but children with fragile feelings and little self confidence.
I will be glad when Christmas break starts, the horrible mornings will end for awhile.
I do know a whole new set of issues will begin. I can never decide what is worse. Too much togetherness is rough for everyone. He commented the other day that he bets I wish he was not my son. I cannot emphasize enough how much that is untrue. I wish a lot of things, I wish my cousin had not been killed when he was 17 and I was 15, I wish I still had my grandparents, I wish we had more money but I do not wish away any of my children.


  1. Hugs, hugs, and more hugs. I wish I had some words of wisdom to offer, but I am at a loss. I'll just keep sending hugs to you, and yours, and curses to the mean nurse and principal.

  2. There's likely not much you can say to comfort him. Anxiety is hard for adults, but at least they are able to reason (through abstract thinking) what they are going through.

    I'm so sorry, my friend. I am always here for you if you need me. And of course, he is welcome to come visit if you need a break.

  3. I am so sorry to hear what a horrible job your school administration is doing in working with your son. I can relate because my 9yo daughter has her own little twitches and vocal quirks that used to be very troublesome to me. A few weeks ago I read that Type-A kids often have nervous twitches, and often get stomach aches (she does this too). We're very lucky that the twitches and humming don't disrupt her schoolwork or get her teased. Sounds like your son is having a much harder time though. It won't help him feel much better, but these things do tend to pass with age. I'll be thinking of you both.

  4. I know you have to feel overwhelmed when you dont have answers for your son. All you can tell him is this is his life's challenge & he can win it! That everyone loves him regardless & is going to help him through it all. That you wouldnt trade him for the world - that God gave him to you for a reason - to help him! My heart breaks for you & your son & your whole family.

    I pray Christmas break is a better time - but pray for the return afterwards. If Monday's are hard after a weekend - I cant imagine what it will be like after 2 weeks. We'll start praying now!

  5. I'm so sorry Sonya. I wish I had some words of wisdom... I do know you would never wish away any of your children. I had no idea how I would feel once I had kids and you really just can't put that kind of love into words... I wish there was a way for him to know how you feel... Your son is very smart and that probably means dealing with this is even harder...like your example with the school nurse... Please know you are in our thoughts!

  6. Sonya, I fervently believe that it will come back later as a blessing to him. He's sensitive to the emotions and the nonverbal cues of others. This is a passionately good and all too rare trait to have. He's seeing as a child that even adults are capable of doing less than their most compassionate--this will help him BE the more compassionate adult later that some child will so much need. He will understand them in ways someone else might not.

    Please tell him from me, it's worth it, it really is. Because God will so much need what he will have to offer that nobody else will be able to in the same way, when he's an adult himself. He will create more empathy in the world. And that is sorely needed on this earth.

  7. I send you Love Love & more Love.

    I ache that you & your family face this challenge.

    Please know in your heart you do not face it alone.

  8. This just occurred to me - maybe you've already considered it. But why not home school him for awhile? Just to take the pressure off. I've heard of people teaming up with other home schoolers to split subjects and get some limited social interaction. My son was older, but when we finally took him out of the "system" he was so much happier.

  9. I wish I can be there to give you a big hug and talk about what my brother and I had been through when we were growing up. What's the chance you can move your son to a different school, or take independant study at home for awhile? It's a big decision and might be very hard to accomplish, but it always helped me to move away from this kind of situation and also made me more resiliant to changes.

    Hope you are able to enjoy the holidays! You will be in my thoughts.

  10. Sonya,
    Thank you for sharing your heart through your blog. You all are dearly loved and are in our prayers always.


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