Thursday, July 16, 2009


How important is it to be happy? Really, on a scale of 1- 10 just how important is it? Many people live unhappy lives and they survive. I'm not sure about the quality of those lives.
I wonder if given a choice, would they make changes to ensure their future happiness? Being someone that has suffered from depression for many years, happiness is very important. It is so much easier to face the day if you have a bright or sunny outlook.

Are those around us supposed to make us happy or are we responsibly for our own happiness? I know that some can directly cause unhappiness.
As wives and mothers, who usually put everyone else first, how long can we function without happiness in our lives? Whenever I read about a husband or wife that has killed their spouse or a mother that has killed her children, I wonder about the cause of such tragedies. Many times it is the result of mental illness or drug/alcohol abuse but what if it is from years of unhappiness.
The breaking point is different for everyone.

I believe a person needs to make their own happiness. It could be as easy as finding a hobby (like knitting), making new friends (like knitting friends) or buying new shoes. Many times it is not that easy, you might have to decide to get a new job, leave old friends behind or move away from family. What if it was trying to decide to stay married? To continue on as things have been for many years , eventually dying inside and end up nothing but a shell of a person for your children. That is truly an overwhelming resolution. I can't imagine how terrifying that would be.

I know that vows are taken; for better or worse richer or poorer sickness or health, and those vows are important, they mean something. But at what cost?? For many years I have watched someone I love dearly, slowly wither away and become a shadow of her former self. It has broken my heart ten times over, I want her to have happiness and joy in her life.
If she has to make the most difficult decision of her life, then so be it.

I will be there to hold her hand every step of the way.


  1. Hmmm... That is hard, and such a personal decision. While I do believe happiness is a choice - to a certain extent - I also believe that there are people in our lives who are just so toxic that the ONLY way to function is to either cut them out of our lives or set up strong boundaries.

    I don't know how one would support a friend in such an unhappy place.

  2. My dad use to tell me "you have to find ONE THING to be happy about every day, even if its just that you woke up or the sun is shining" Being truly unhappy just eats at the soul. We have all "woken up" at some point in our lives and thought whoa! Who is this person I've become? Then I think its up to us to make those changes...small baby steps, altho it can be hard as all get out to change our outlook and attitudes. When it happens to some one we love & care about its even harder to watch and see a person just "disappear". Sometimes when we try to help they take it as judgement or are embarrased about who they have become and close communication. I have a sister that was a verrry vibrant happy glowing person just dye inside in a bad marriage. After 15 yrs they seperated....its taken 5 more for her to resurface. Stronger, wiser gone back to school & is focusing on the positive thing in her more response than you were looking for I'm sure. I think is was just as hard on those of us that loved her to watch it happen, just be there and offer to help with our judgement where you can.

  3. Just be there for her, whatever she decides. I agree that sometimes we need for our health and mental stability to distance ourselves from a certain person or situation. It's hard to do it and she'll need a non-judgmental friend.

  4. This is such a complicated question and there is never a right answer. My parents tried to stay together for me, and I'm not sure if that made anyone's life better. You are there for your friend, and that's the greatest thing for her.

  5. Happiness is a choice to some extent, though some of us may need a little help getting there. Certainly having the support of friends and family can make a world of difference. I hope that whomever you were talking about reads your post. It was very heartfelt.

  6. Tough question that I don't know the answer to...I suffer from depression too and while I do believe that we need to make our own happiness, I also believe that people in our lives can really help or hurt that process. Regardless, it sounds like your friend is suffering and while you may not be able to do anything directly to help her...being her friend and holding her hand goes a long way. Kudos to you for recognizing that and being there.


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