I hate feeling helpless, not knowing what to do for someone. I am here to do my best and right now I am failing miserably. I have to be able to do something or what good am I. I can't just sit back and watch someone hurting. But goddammit I don't know what to do. I keep hoping that each new day will be better than the previous one. So far it has not.
I take care of people, that is what I have always done. It has cost me though. There came a time a few years ago that I had to stop. Stop taking care of everyone and only focus on the people that live in this house. Me included. I will admit it was hard, I was the "go to girl". If you had a problem I would fix it or figure out a way to make it better. If you needed something I would bend over backwards to do it for you.
I never needed help, I could do it all. I was expected to always have it together. I was the one that could always be counted on. So of course I never needed fixing but when the time came that I did, it was very hard for me. Some days I still think that I can do it all, or that I should be able to do it all.
Well, here I am at a place where I need to know what to do and I don't. It is killing me.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
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It's ok to not know what to do. It means that you are not the one to fix it this time. And in the meantime, you pray, or do whatever your particular method if holding a good energy space for that person is. Hugs...
ReplyDeleteOh honey, you are in a place that many woman find themselves in. We are hardwired to take care of others and too often we don't know how to take care of ourselves. Or more likely, we feel guilty taking care of ourselves when there are others to take care of. I hope that whatever it is that you are facing shows you what a strong woman you are. You have plenty of women out here to reach out to.
ReplyDeleteWhat's up girl? You sound like me. I was just like you before my heart problems started, now I have to think about what is going on in my house. If you need to chat with someone, I'm in FL and don't know anyone you know so give me a call if you need to try to figure things out. You sound so desperate, I can hear it in your writing, I just want to give you a BIG hug!! Take a deep breath and pick up that phone. If you don't still have my # ravel me for it.
ReplyDeleteVicky
Nobody can do it all...and you'll kill yourself trying. I certainly hope that whatever situation you are dealing with resolves itself positively. Sending good thoughts your way.
ReplyDeleteOh, Sonja! I wish I could run over and give you a hug!
ReplyDeleteI wonder if this feeling is universal for women at some point in their lives; I know how much I relate to it, without knowing any details of what's going on for you. There is a time where you can only say, Lord, I'm here, I will do whatever You want; use me. And if there is nothing I can do, then help me put it in Your hands and be content knowing I did my best.
Including praying for the person--because you cannot pray honestly for someone without caring about them, no matter how difficult they may be, and whether they know about the praying or not, whether they accept that caring or not--it helps us feel more positive towards both them and the situation. By trusting it and them to God.
Godspeed, hon.
I am praying for you all. Anything I can do, just holler.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard, but try to let go and let God. If you can't, give me a call and I'll brainstorm with you. Or just listen.
ReplyDelete*hugs*
Sometimes, there is just nothing you can do. It was a hard lesson for me to learn--right up there with "life isn't always fair." I wish I could give you a hug...
ReplyDeleteYou and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are taking care of yourself, Sonya. Sometimes we try so hard to help others and forget ourselves. I'm sure whoever needs your help would also like to see you happy and healthy.
ReplyDeleteTake care.