Friday, March 7, 2008

No FO Friday here......but I

can give you a Pissed Off Friday. I rarely discuss things of a true personal nature here. This is for knitting, some family (including the doggies) and fun. But at times something may happen that upsets me so, makes me so pissed off that I have to tell as many people that will listen. I seem to release a little bit of the anger after telling the story. I think it is because I know the person I am telling will become angry too, it is like you are being angry for me. So by telling all of you I might slowly let go of all my anger.
One of my children has some emotional issues and has been seeing a child therapist and child psychiatrist. And takes some meds. The doctors have been changing repeatedly and we saw yet another new one several weeks ago. The first visit was very upsetting for both of us. The second visit, just about one week ago, was the final straw. Below is the letter that I wrote and gave to the doctor., medical director and therapist. I do know that this not the first complaint against this particular doctor. The doctor has been with the practice only a few months. I would love to know what they do or say in response but that will all be confidential. But I have no qualms at all about telling everyone I know to keep their children far away from this doctor.

My ***, **** will no longer be your patient.
We have only been to see you on two occasions. Both times I have been shocked and dismayed by the lack of consideration shown to your patient. Several times during both appointments you referred to *** as being nerdy or looking like a little bit of a nerd. ** was extremely upset by this, as was I.
You being an educated doctor, in a professional position, should know that it is inappropriate to label children. *** classmates would be reprimanded for such name-calling.
I am assuming that the insult was unintentional and that you were just making a lame attempt to connect with **. Name-calling is an issue for ****, and you as ***doctor, a figure of authority presented a very bad example for ***. We work very hard in our house to instill a sense of respect for one another. To treat others as you would like to be treated.
I was also shocked by your lack of professionalism. It was highly inappropriate of you to have discussed and critiqued my parenting in front of *****. Your opinion of me being an overprotective mother should have been stated during a conversation between you and myself.**** has latched on to those comments and constantly uses them against me during discussions.
It is my responsibility to keep my children safe and healthy. I take that responsibility very seriously. There are way too many parents that are uninvolved and disinterested. I refuse to be one of them.

We came to you for help and unfortunately received none.



  1. I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that sort of unprofessionalism. Doctors are such a problem around here too. Most of them are dropping certain insurances (my work insurance) like flies and the ones that are still in can be hard to get in to see and can be unfriendly and uncomfortable to work with. I hate the whole process.

    Good luck with finding a new doctor that your family is happy with.

  2. OH MY GOSH Sonya!!!!! That is totally insane!!! What a quack!
    Good for you for filing a complaint, sending and letter and getting the hello with out the O out of there!!!

  3. I am so sorry to hear about this! Good for you for writing that letter to the doctor. I hope you send a copy to his/her certifying board as well!

  4. I can't believe that SOB did that. You are sooo right - totally unprofessional. The thing that's so upsetting about this is that this quack obviously has no sensitivity towards working with children. As health care providers, we are given the responsibility to treat patients without harming them further. A child's doctors and therapists should be seen as allies and friends, not just someone else to be mean and torment them. Also, you are 100% right about the parenting converstion should have taken place privately. What an idiot. You may want to also write a complaint to your state's medical licensing board. If you haven't found your new doctor yet, try to get some referrals from your pediatrician's office or school nerse or counselor. Good luck!

  5. Good for you! It's your job to stand up for your kids and make sure they're getting the best care. You're setting a great example to your kids by not putting up with that bs!

  6. Wow, you sound very upset. I'm sorry you had such a bad experience.

    It may be the case that the doctor didn't mean "nerdy" in the way you take it. From my experience, most people who have advanced degrees and have spent way too much time in school (like MDs, PhDs) consider themselves nerdy. We tend to use the term pretty indiscriminately, since we identify with the group. Perhaps not appropriate in this setting, though.

    Of course, I may be wrong, but it's something to consider! I'm pretty free with the "nerdy" comments myself since I've always been a big nerd. Plus I know many self-described "nerds" (esp. of the computer variety).

  7. Jodi,
    that my be true, but the child in question was upset by the reference. Asked if they could hit the dr if called that again.

    I think an older child, teenager maybe, would not have much of an issue. But a child that is unsure of themself does not need any lable inferred or not. In a school setting being called a nerd is still a bad thing.

  8. I'm so sorry you and your family have been through such a bad experience. Good for you for standing up for your child!

  9. OMG Sonya that is terrible.

    While I agree with Jodi that some kids do not see the comment nerdy as an insult, this Dr only saw your child 2 times. I have 2 kids that call themselves geeks. To them it is not an insult at all. It is my 7 year old and my 13 year old. However I would be very upset for someone that doesn't know them to call them that. If you don't know them how can you know how they will take that?

    I mean he is supposed to be helping your child not tearing him down. Geesh.

    And to critize your parenting style in front of your child. My daughter has been seeing the same therapist since she was 4. So for 3 years. She has never made a comment about me being overly protective even though I am sure there are times she must have thought it. She has never said anything negative about my parenting style. If she were to she would be sure to say something to me in private. She makes sure when she tells me somethings that my daughter can not hear her.

    Also now is when I would say she knows my daughter well enough to know that she would see being called a Geek a compliment. (In fact the first time Charlotte said she was a geek in front of her therapist, her therapist was really worried about that.)

    Good luck in finding someone that will help your son and not tear him down more.


  10. My God, what has our heath care system come too? When doctors are calling children nerdy, that is unacceptable. I applaud you for writing the letter and I agree with Marsha, you should send it to the certifying board too.

    Please know that you have friends here that support you, your family, and your decision 110%.


  11. I think its good you voiced your opinion to the doctor - if anything - for your own sanity. You're a mom who wants to protect their child - nothing wrong with that!

    Take heart though - there are good doctors out there! Finding them is the trick!

  12. I'm so glad you sent the letter! If for some reason he/she didn't mean the "nerd" comment to be bad, then maybe this will make them think about what those comments mean to others! maybe he/she will watch what they say in the future...perhaps you are helping his/her future patients! I hope you find someone better!


Hi,it's nice to hear from you.
Come back soon!