July, my least favorite month

July is hot, sticky, muggy, sweltering, I could come up with lots of adjectives but you get the picture. July is also the month of birthdays in my family. My younger brother turned 32 on the 11th and my younger sister will be 30 on the 25th. Then July 29th will come. No matter how much I hope we can skip that day it always comes. I have always had a little trouble with my birthday. Turning 25 was the worst. I felt like I had done nothing with my life. I was a quarter of a century old, 1/3 of my life was over. What had I done?? Well, I was tired of who I was, did not really like myself. I wanted to do things that no one would ever except from me. Very un-Sonya like things. So I became a bartender, got my first tattoo, became engaged and went on a trip to Ireland. All within about 2 months after my birthday. The ones between then and now have been ok. 30 was a little hard and then 35.
I have trouble getting this year's number out. Like Fonzi trying to say he was wrong. I don't feel my age, I know I don't act it (just ask my kids). I see my family getting older around me. My aunt was planning her funeral the other day. I told her I did not want to know anything about it until I had no choice. My mom tried to tell me that she is getting old, 74 now. I said nope, she is in her late 40s cursing out the rude cashier at the local grocery.
I have people frozen at a certain ages. When I think about them they are always that age, the age when I was with them and had a good time or they were there for me.
Shared in my joys and tragedies. Made me feel better, or special in a family with 4 kids. It can be very hard when I am forced to acknowledge the real age of a loved one. At some point I will have to embrace getting older. But not this year.